There is a lot to be said for type one diabetes. Day in, day out, we all strive to 'come to terms' and 'accept' our loses, yet we might as well be waiting on a genie to grant us 3 wishes, as we're still no closer to that 'state of peace'. All I have wanted since hospital is closure and although I have not reached it, I still search. That has got to be said for a lot of heartache and lose, may it be diabetes-related or not. I couldn't imagine the toll it had on my parents once discovering their son was diabetic, nor my sister or brother. A 'loss' I wouldn't wish on anyone.
A lot of people grew concerned of my state before diagnosis and what am I kidding, I was pretty f*cked up- pardon my French! But, the same cannot be said after diagnosis. Even though my insulin in shining armour has come to free me from my ill burdens, the emotional scar remains. My weight has risen back to normal, my thirst has died out and my feet no longer ache when sprinting to the toilet. But, I still feel the same, in an 'unseen' and 'metaphorical' way.
Who is to say I am 'back to normal', as of now? Hell, has anyone seen Rambo? My point is, you may take yourself from the 'war' but you can't take the 'war' from you- it is and always will be a part of you. This, for me, is the first point to accepting.
And as for you, my trusted reader, who knows what will work for you? Perhaps, it is to 'fight the power' your diabetes has on you (trying not to condone violence), but, what the hell, if it works? You'll find when reading my blogs, I am not like the other 'diabetes' bloggers. Yes, we all share the passion in helping others, but, I want you, first and most importantly, to help yourselves.
At the end of the day, it is not dia-nonymous who'll hold your hand every time you inject insulin, but, it I will help you find the closure to inject yourself, in the first place. I can only speak for myself in saying-
When you're feeling your lowest with no one who could possibly understand what you're going through and at the same time, your mother puts your dinner on the table. Only realising, you'll once again have to reach for that pen. "Could I change it?" you'll ask, but find you can't. And, when all is said and done, time drags on till the next time your mother puts your dinner on the table, once again having to reach for that pen. A constant reminder of heartache- it would only seem. And for that, I am truly sorry.
Like other bloggers I can offer what I know 'works' but we both know that's not going to help. Even when you've accepted, what's to say, something won't sway you back to square one? I know it sounds depressing and the opposite of what you should hear (right now) but just know, if you look through the bullsh*t 10 step plans to recovery, you'll notice what matters most- I understand and for that, am sorry.
I only wish you'll find closure when you are ready, not when the next 'diabetes' blogger decides to post their experiences on 'going to the gym' or f*cking avocados?
In saying this, please comment- or not, whatever that'll help you most.